Monday, February 2, 2009

The things people say...

I've debated about posting this because I didn't want to offend anyone, hurt anyone's feelings, or make anyone afraid to talk to me. (ha ha) But, here I am, unable to sleep once again, possibly PMSing, or just needing to get it out. Whatever the reason, I have decided to post this. After all, I started this blog to help me deal with my emotions.

Whenever there is a tragedy, people try desperately to say the right things. They are well intentioned, sometimes painstakingly thought out comments. However, to a person in a crisis, they often rub him/her the wrong way. Here are some of my personal favorites.

"It could have happened with you there." No, NO, NO! Lots of other things may have happened or may happen yet, but not that! I NEVER let him loose in a parking lot. EVER!
"It was one of those split second things." No, it really wasn't. He was just standing there. In fact, the police report says he was 8 feet behind the van, just standing. He had time to walk 8 feet and just hang out in the parking lot for who knows how long.
"Kids will be kids." What do I say to that? That's why adults have to be adults! He didn't break free from someone's grasp and take off running, (see previous notes).
"You've got to let go and turn him over to God."
What?? No, I don't! I can't be irresponsible and just trust that God will take care of everything. It really irritates me when people think I should just "move on". It's not that easy. When you trust your instincts, and they fail you, it makes it very difficult to ever trust them again.
"What are the odds of something bad happening again." Well, what are the odds that your kid gets run over in the middle of the day in a preschool parking lot? Pretty slim, but it happened to us.

While I may sound unforgiving, I'm really not. But just because I forgive someone, it does not make them blameless. Does that make sense? Heck, I blame myself for this even though I wasn't there!

I read once, "Forgiveness is like setting a prisoner free, and realizing you were the prisoner." I have to forgive. I have no other choice.


Breana said...

I'm glad that you posted this, DJ, because I feel like so many people think that these are feelings that can just go away, and you've let us understand that it's in your heart, soul and mind everyday. I think the ability to forgive and the ability to forget are two different things. Yes, forgiving is necessary because not doing so will tear you apart, but does forgiving mean things are back to normal? No, because all actions have consequences. I'm sure "forgetting" will be easier in a couple of years when you see Tru at school, playing soccer, running and making friends. But for now, it's just right there. You'll never completely forget, but it has to get easier. That's what I hope for you.

Jennifer said...

I'm sorry that people are giving you the responses that are so hurtful to you.

As far as forgiveness goes, I guess I am way too stubborn for that. I can say, ok I need to forgive, but I never really do because I let things eat at me forever. That's just who I am. So whoever said forgiveness is like setting a prisoner free, well that doesn't apply to me!! Something I have to work on. But I hope it comes easily to you!

DJ said...

Thanks for understanding how difficult this is/continues to be.