Sunday, December 14, 2008

I'm a mother...

I resigned from my job on Friday. It was a very difficult decision, but after much consideration, I felt like it is what I had to do. I've never thought of myself as a stay-at-home mom type. After Truman was born, James and I agreed that I would not go back to work until Truman was at least old enough to talk so he could tell us if anything was going wrong at daycare. Well, I made it 11 months and had to throw in the towel. I only worked part-time, but at least I felt like a "somebody" for a few hours a day. I had to resign from that job when we moved to Missouri. Once again, I didn't feel like I had "worth" staying home. I was lonely, bored, missed talking to adults -without kids around, missed challenging myself mentally, was jealous of my husband when he left for work every day. So, I signed another contract -this time full-time. I had regrets immediately. I wanted to work, but full-time? I wasn't sure how I could handle it all. Apparently, I couldn't. So, here I am, once again, just a mom. Only this time around, I will cherish it rather than begrudge it. I'm hoping I won't feel the need to explain myself to others -somehow let them know that I once had a career, that I really do have a brain that extends beyond nursery rhymes and coloring, but I'm sure I will. I'm hoping I can find worth in being just a mom and realize that it is the most important job in the world. God has called me to be home with this child. He's made it very clear that my only job right now should be taking care of Tru. I'm obliged to follow that calling and see where it leads.


Michele said...

You are never really "just a mom."
You are still a teacher, a nurse, a referee, a chef, a gymnast (at the park), a nutritionist, a therapist, a hygenist, a builder (with legos), an artist, and a dentist. After the toddler years, you will understand and feel the rewards of being Truman's mom.

Patti (Mrs. A.) said...

A mother's job is the most important job you will ever have in your life. Just as Michelle has said you are all of those things she listed, you just don't get paid for it.
I stayed at home as long as I could afford to when my sons were growing up and although I really don't have a big title and a lot of people look down on me for being just an aide, i know that when I go to bed at night I have been the best aide I can be.
But, my best and most proudest is being called MOM. I am very fortunate to have two kind, hard working sons. I don't want to sound like I'm bragging, but I'm often told how lucky I am to have these two as my sons. They have not been in trouble with drugs, are responsible young men concerning their jobs ( may have used 1 sick day in 3-5 years) and will help anyone who needs a hand. I don't know how I got so...lucky, but I know that as a Mom, I tried to teach them these good values.
So....when you feel like your job as Mom isn't all that important or you are bored out of your mind, remember all that you are teaching Tru will definitely show as he gets older. You will then be able to say, staying at home was all worth it.
Hang in there Debi, you are going through so many changes right now and change can be difficult. When you are feeling low, give that little, precious boy a hug and a kiss and that will help you feel a whole lot better.
Take care Debi, you are still in my thoughts and prayers. The best reward in life is having raised a child with love.

Jena said...

As someone in the moment, I totally know what you mean. I never envisioned my life as a stay-at-home mom, but I never envisioned it otherwise either. I never really envisioned I guess. Anyway, there are days when it sucks. Big time. No feedback from a boss, no encouragement from peers, no being "off."

Something that's helped me is realizing my life is going to be in phases. Right now, my primary job is Mom. In 5 years, it may not be. In 10, it may not be. In 20...well, you get the point. In every season, there will be things you like and things you hate. I hope as you take this next leap of faith you will be proud of yourself for doing something you feel called to do, albeit not always inspired to do. And that you'll find ways to be the rest of "you" in the meantime.